How does therapy work? Therapy is designed to help people solve problems in living by making changes in thoughts, feelings, and behavior. People generally use therapy when other efforts have not brought the desired results. Contrary to popular belief, no one easily solves all their problems. Today, it is even harder because we live in such a complex and demanding society. It is common now to be faced with problems we had no chance to prepare for. When that happens, our coping skills can get overwhelmed, leading to "symptoms" of distress in various forms. These symptoms are a way people try to solve normal human problems. The connection between symptoms and the underlying problem is often unclear. One therapy goal is to figure out what problem(s) the symptom is an attempt to solve. Symptoms that lead people to seek therapy are ineffective and often quite painful ways of dealing with the problem. Therapy involves thinking and talking about your life. We pay attention to feelings that arise, both in and outside of this office. The effects of your behavior on yourself, others, and the situations you face is considered. Sometimes we look into the past and sometimes with stick to the present. Some people come to therapy hoping for a quick fix. While this is understandable, it rarely happens. Few people go to the trouble and expense of therapy without having tried hard to solve the problem on their own. Some people wait for their therapist to solve the problem. This approach guarantees disappointment. Therapy is hard work. While there are times when I ask people to try out new ideas or new behaviors, answers to problems will be the result of mutual exploration and effort. Push yourself to talk about the things you find hardest to discuss. What you want to discuss least is probably what we need to discuss most. The sooner we get to it, the faster we will finish. Issues kept in the closet grow in the dark. Bringing them into the light of day is a big step in making them manageable. Honesty, with me and yourself, is essential. Being dishonest in therapy is like asking a team of surgeons to operate wearing blindfolds. Honesty means, in part, talking about your thoughts and feelings about our therapy process. Mixed feelings can be expected at times. Psychotherapy can be painful at times as issues long avoided or hidden are raised. This pain should not be endured for its own sake but only in service of your therapeutic goals. It is unrealistic to expect to feel better after each session. There may be times that you leave feeling somewhat upset and anxious. Pain of any kind gives us feedback about something that needs our attention - about physical habits, about our beliefs, about our emotions. Physical pain confronts us in obvious forms. Mental pain manifests as worries, regrets, contradiction, and confusion. Emotional pain comes in some form of sorrow, fear, or anger. Facing the challenge of change requires will to heal our lives. Recognizing our patterns takes courage - a first step on the road to healing, recovery, and transformation.