Therapy is designed to help people solve
problems in living by making changes in thoughts, feelings, and
behavior. People generally use therapy when other efforts have
not brought the desired results. Contrary to popular belief, no
one easily solves all their problems. Today, it is even harder
because we live in such a complex and demanding society. It is
common now to be faced with problems we had no chance to prepare
for. When that happens, our coping skills can get overwhelmed,
leading to "symptoms" of distress in various forms. These
symptoms are a way people try to solve normal human problems.
The connection between symptoms and the underlying problem is
often unclear. One therapy goal is to figure out what problem(s)
the symptom is an attempt to solve. Symptoms that lead people to
seek therapy are ineffective and often quite painful ways of
dealing with the problem.
Therapy involves thinking and talking about your life. We pay
attention to feelings that arise, both in and outside of this
office. The effects of your behavior on yourself, others, and
the situations you face is considered. Sometimes we look into
the past and sometimes with stick to the present.
Some people come to therapy hoping for a quick fix. While
this is understandable, it rarely happens. Few people go to the
trouble and expense of therapy without having tried hard to
solve the problem on their own.
Some people wait for their therapist to solve the problem.
This approach guarantees disappointment. Therapy is hard work.
While there are times when I ask people to try out new ideas or
new behaviors, answers to problems will be the result of mutual
exploration and effort. Push yourself to talk about the things
you find hardest to discuss. What you want to discuss least is
probably what we need to discuss most. The sooner we get to it,
the faster we will finish. Issues kept in the closet grow in the
dark. Bringing them into the light of day is a big step in
making them manageable. Honesty, with me and yourself, is
essential. Being dishonest in therapy is like asking a team of
surgeons to operate wearing blindfolds. Honesty means, in part,
talking about your thoughts and feelings about our therapy
process. Mixed feelings can be expected at times.
Psychotherapy can be painful at times as issues long avoided
or hidden are raised. This pain should not be endured for its
own sake but only in service of your therapeutic goals. It is
unrealistic to expect to feel better after each session. There
may be times that you leave feeling somewhat upset and anxious.
Pain of any kind gives us feedback about something that needs
our attention - about physical habits, about our beliefs, about
our emotions. Physical pain confronts us in obvious forms.
Mental pain manifests as worries, regrets, contradiction, and
confusion. Emotional pain comes in some form of sorrow, fear, or
anger. Facing the challenge of change requires will to heal our
lives. Recognizing our patterns takes courage - a first step on
the road to healing, recovery, and
transformation.